Facts about wives

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"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be

why my wife treats me like toxic waste."

- David Bissonette

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"When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him

keep her."

- Sacha Guitry

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"After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just

can't face each other, but still they stay together."

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"By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a

bad one, you'll become a philosopher."

-- Socrates

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"A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and

the wife takes."

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"Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them."

-- Dumas

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The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What

does a woman want?"

-- Freud

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I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

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"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a

restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and

dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

- Henny Youngman

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"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

- Sam Kinison

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"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic

banking. It's called marriage."

- James Holt McGavran

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"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second

one didn't."

- Patrick Murray

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It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get

married!

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Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would

have preferred.

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Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them.

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"Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up."

-- Nash

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My wife only has 2 complaints. Nothing to wear and not enough closet space.

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"You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to."

-- Henny Youngman

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"My wife and I were happy for twenty years.

Then we met."

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong."

-- Milton Berle

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"Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy."

-- Anonymous

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"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

- Rodney Dangerfield