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The Essex Boy joke A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some tosser wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager found the boy and said "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?" "Essex, sir," the boy replied. "Well, why did you leave Essex," the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers there." "Really?" said the manager, "My wife's from Essex!" The boy replied: "No shit!!!??!! Who did she play for?"

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Differences between men and women: NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in

I haven't had much time for painting lately but one I did manage to finish recently was a little commemorative pastel for a lovely dog... Jumong and Shoubi Just a small pastel painting that I done as a way of remembering Shoubi's best mate, Jumong - who sadly died while I was away on my recent commission at sea. The official story that I was given was that Jumong got sick and died. Not surprising really, as he spent most of the last months of his life in misery, tied up on a short piece of chain and hardly cared for. More likely though, he would have been killed for food? Despite the appalling conditions under which he was being kept, Jumong was a tough little dog... Anyway, whether he died, or was killed, I know for a fact that Jumong's carcass was not wasted. He did not get buried and he certainly had no flowers. So I decided to use a bit of artistic license and put some in the painting for him... Whilst in the mood for painting dogs, I decided to do a portrait for my Pit Bull Terrier cross, Shoubi. The first one came out a bit dark and Shoubi ended-up looking quite "foxy." I had another go and, for the first time ever, my second attempt at a painting resulted in an actual improvement over the first. Shoubi - Two Still far from perfect, I managed to get the coloring of her coat a bit more like the real thing. I need to work on getting the texture of the fur right, next time I try to paint a dog - but this will do for now...!! Help to support ArtFreaks.com as a free website for amateur and professional artists and photographers: Shop discount arts and crafts supplies at MisterArt.com!